Wednesday, February 6, 2008

hunger

how does one reconcile having eating over 1lb of meat today and various other things... and still be hungry? My stomach is full... stuffed full. Yet my body and my brain are screaming out in hunger. How do you reconcile that?

I am slipping quicker than I thought I would without my supplements. I thought it would take a few days. It has only been one. Its like I have lost a few IQ levels. My brain feels slower and my existence is as if I am I going through life in a daze. I'm almost disconnected. When my father asked a simple question, i couldn't even answer him. I forgot what the names were. My doctor said Tuesday that I exhibit extreme signs of having suffered Trauma. I'm realizing that my body thinks it is being starved. In the past 11 months there have been episodes where I have had full blown panic attacks... from either having too much sugar, or not eating enough. Right now, I'm struggling to keep from panic. Although I know that I am ok.... and I have been preparing food all day, its some internal reaction that I can't control.

any hopes of riding this out by just reading or watching movies might not be possible anymore, again. :*( lets hope I sleep halfway decent tonight and tomorrow is a little bit better.

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